I wonder how many of us are regularly let down by partners and or friends. These days I suppose everyone is busy and it's so easy to forget a promise or convenient to ignore what has been said or the obvious needs of someone we are supposed to love. I wish I could somehow insulate myself against this, I never did deal with disappointment well (although I never show it, I have managed to internalise the pain over the years).
It Is hard though when the person knows what they are doing to you, but when you have a relationship with someone who over the years turns out to be more and more narcissistic or perhaps hides their true nature less well. Why don't you leave that person I hear you cry? It's not always that easy, family commitments and the grinding fact that the person in question would go off the rails impossibly badly without my guidance. I would find it very hard to stand back and watch while this person's problems and obsessions destroy them. I do mean destroy too, not an idle use of the word.
So where do we go from here? Well if the relationship broke down totally, or the person in question's actions put them beyond my help and care then I suppose I rebuild my life alone and start again. If not, I will no doubt find myself retreating ever deeper into my fem side.
It is amazing how my fem side eases the hurts, almost as if it provides a gentle cushion, a part of me that remains whole and undamaged enough to help me recover. I wonder if that fem side will one day take over and enable me to feel a complete and worthwhile person again.
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