I thought it was about time to put something down about feelings and thoughts as we are beginning 2012. The end of last year was totaly heavy duty with family and work stuff, Illness and injury seems to have dominated the last quarter of 2011 and a huge workload seems to have pushed Sue into the background. Unlike before however I have not been able to ignore my needs and I think that in many ways being Sue has kept me sane and kept me going. I have managed to make time to dress as I needed to and even at the most intense of times my legs have been encased in either stockings or tights and my body and legs have been kept nicely hair free (I do so love that feeling of being really clean when freshly bathed and shaved).
I think the determination to feel nicely turned out with lovely feminine underwear on even when my outside clothes needed to be quite plain has bouyed me up and given me confidence to just keep going.
One thing that has caught me by surprise recently is a "slide" in my sexuallity.... When I was very young I knew was heterosexual..... The fact that I prefered wearing female clothing and was fascinated by the thought of being penetrated rather than being the one doing the penertration hadn't brought self realisation apon me for some reason. I fancied girls and didn't think much about men sexually so I assumed that everything was clear cut!!!! The fact that the Idea of other T gurls turned my tummy to goo and left me shivering and quaking with desire didn't at first cause me to question my outlook has amazed me as I have grown older. As I left my teens I did start to see my self as a "bit" bisexual, a realisation which slowly grew until I accepted that even some guys excited me. It was around this time that I started to understand something that happened to me at school.
Basically it happened while I was with my class in the gymnasium playing basket ball. Several of us stumbled and as I fell over my hand was pushed up the leg of one of my classmates shorts as he also fell. I must have instinctively cupped my hand slightly as it pressed into his cock. I don't remember getting up and as we were in the thick of the game we all got back to playing without a second thought. The guy in question never did say anything, after all neither of us could help it we were both falling and to be honest we were lucky not to have been hurt we fell so hard.
After this I kept thinking about what had happened and was very disturbed by the fact that I felt so turned on by thinking of my hand in his shorts. I even woke up from dreaming about it just as I was cumming on more than one occasion!
It took a long time (God only knows why) for me to realise that guys turned me on too, it seemed to take me quite a bit of mental reajustment but in the end it was OK and I just accepted that I was bisexual and that some guys turned me on. Later I was able to play with other T gurls and even guys and found both exciting in different ways.
The thing that I'm comming to in a very roundabout way is in the last few months I have been thinking and dreaming about guys a lot more. As my feminine side becomes stronger as I get older I'm finding that fewer gender girls/women excite me although t gurls still really turn me on. Men however seem more attractive, the idea of guys making love to me really turns me on these days and if I read a sexy story, look at a sexy picture or watch a sexy video, it is invariably a guy(or sometimes guys) making love to a t gurl and I find myself strongly identifying with her and imagining what she must be feeling.
So after 47 years my sexuallity has slid from the hetero end of bisexuallity all the way to the homo end of bisexuallity and the slide has quickened recently.
All I can wonder is where my journey will lead and how far it will go in 2012, What I do suspect is that this time next year my female side will be stronger still and maybe that "slide" of my sexuallity will have continued!
So here's to a happy and fun 2012, and I hope that all who read this have a good year.
Hugs Suexx
